There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
honey bunches of taint.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
