census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So I just went to clothing optional bar
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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