I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
