i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
