I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
