ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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