Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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