fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
