According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
