Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
