chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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