Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
