you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
