I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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