I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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