she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
