Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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