this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
