Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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