I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
