First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
