omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
