No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
