It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
