Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
