I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
