I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
