ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
