a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
