is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
