I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
