Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize