even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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