Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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