ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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