just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
