Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
