walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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