we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
