I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
