I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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