if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
