I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
