I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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