i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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