Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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