If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
