Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
