Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
