I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
